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I went out with a comedian in NYC. He took me to three of his shows in one night, which was already pretty monstrous. I was officially creeped out.
He seemed pretty cool, and we had gone on a few dates with not much remarkable happening. One day, we were texting when he told me he got a tattoo.
I asked him what it was, and he sent me a photo of a giant character from The Simpsons covering his entire bicep, absolutely unironically.
I blocked his number. A few weeks after my long-distance boyfriend broke up with me, I started to dip my toes into the world of dating apps.
I met up with this guy for coffee, and we really hit it off. He was cute and smart and fun to talk to. A few days later, we scheduled a dinner date at his house.
A half hour before I needed to leave for his house on the night of our second date, my ex called me saying he wanted to get back together and really try long distance.
After a good talk, I decided I wanted to get back together, too, but I had a date to go on! I loved hanging out with him and thought he was such a catch, but I still knew I wanted to be with my ex.
He kissed me briefly as we were putting on our shoes, and I almost died. Anyway, he told me to let him know when I wanted to go out again.
I agonized for weeks over what to say and then said…nothing. We never spoke again. My boyfriend and I are together and happy and not long distance anymore, but I still feel bad about being a ghost!
I had been talking to this guy on Tinder on and off for six months. He was intelligent, well-traveled and had this quirky sense of humor that I found charming.
He never asked me out, so I decided to take it into my own hands and asked him out instead. We finally went on a date and decided to go back to his place afterward.
We fooled around in the living room for a little while, and he eventually he took me to his bedroom.
It was kinda frustrating but at least he was honest about it! Literally everywhere!!! They filled multiple shelves!!
Second date and he proceeded to tell me about his arrest record, which all ended up being DUI stories…while we were out having drinks.
When I was in college, I went out on a date with a grad student who was kind of dorky. Friends were actually coming up to me asking if he was a weirdo and I wanted them to pull me away.
I was so turned off by him that I decided I never wanted to go out with him again. Dating karma is real. I went on a date with a dude I met on OkCupid.
I was really nervous and had to run to the restaurant literally right after work. After we ate frozen yogurt he told me, while we sat in the car, that his ex-girlfriend had stabbed him in the thigh with a steak knife a week prior.
I politely ate my dessert and never saw him again. I still love Bill Murray though! Illustration by Angela Deane. Nora Taylor is the Editor of Clever.
She can frequently be found knocking things over in the greater New York City area. By Callie Ahlgrim.
By Beth Sacca. By Nili Blanck. By Harling Ross. By Jasmine Clarke. By Sarah Panlibuton Barnes. By Celeste Little. By Elizabeth Teets.
By Elizabeth Tamkin. When I was 21 I was raped by the girl who was my girlfriend at the time. She told me all the dirty things she was going to do to me while she kissed my neck and whispered into my ear as she tied my arms and legs down to the bed.
Everything she said she was going to do was normal to me suck me, ride me so I let her tie me up. After I was tied up she asked me to try to break free and offered a reward to me if I could.
She came back and stood at the door and stared at me. She then told me she was going to punish me. Long story short, she ended up sodomizing me with her vibrator.
I must have said no a thousand times. I was crying and begging her to stop which in hindsight probably made it worse. I was so broken emotionally and in pain physically.
I was beaten for a while. Then the vibrator again while being hit. It lasted about 6 or 7 hours but felt like it was a dozen.
For a while she just left it in me while she went in the other room to watch TV. It was mid day when she tied me up and had been dark for a few hours after it was over.
I ended up falling asleep tied up. I woke up and I was untied in bed by myself. I ended up calling the police, which was the best decision I had ever made.
The second I called them she calmed down and started to behave. They got there pretty quickly. Of course once they were there she played the damsel in distress and claimed that I was beating her up and choking her, etc.
I told the cop everything that happened, which was embarrassing but worth it. They arrested her and she was jailed. I was raped as a child.
She was my cousin. About 15 or so, while I was four.
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